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January 9, 2006
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Last Kiss Goodbye by devildoll Last Kiss Goodbye by devildoll
My Mom took this the night before Scheurmann died in my arms exactly where I'm sitting in this photo in his purple blankie. :cries:

I know I look like total shit in this picture with no make up on and have been crying for days with no sleep. Still this picture means so much to me. I sat there just holding him like this for a long time that night. I miss him so much. When I took him to my vets Sat. in his blankie with his urn and my locket I asked if they could keep him wrapped up in it while he was in the freezer.

My Mother brought him home to me when I was 8 years old. He was about 7 weeks old at the time. I've had him for 18 years of my life. He was my child, my baby, my best friend and so much more that words can't describe. He was a one person cat. I was his alone and vice versa.

In 1999 my parents and I moved from my home state of Michigan to Arizona. During the time of the move I almost lost him forever. The movers were hauling out furniture out onto the truck. I ran to the store to get something since we were hitting the road that afternoon and when I cam back home the movers had gotten there already and ended up scaring Scheurmann into a panel in my bedroom closet that went into and under the tub in our bathroom. We never knew if he went down there or got out the front door. We searched for hours and I begged, cried, prayed that he would come out of the hole he climbed down to if he was indeed there. I had a feeling he was down there. He wasn't the kind of cat to run out of the front door, because he had been a inside cat all his life.

It was sad after spending so long trying to get him to come out we had to finally leave and get going on our journey across state to our new home. I don't know how I emotionally was able to handle driving with the crisis and pain I was going through. I wanted to die because my heart was breaking knowing he was alone and scared. I must have blocked it from my mind on the drive out to AZ.

The cleaning ladies of our old apartment promised to try and find him for me and I left a cat carrier open in the empty living room incase he came out of the hole and they did find him. We called the next day to see if they had any luck and they said when they opened the front door they saw him sleeping in the carrier, but he took off and ran back into the whole before they could catch him. They left food and water for him since they knew he was still there. It took about 4 days of trying to get him before they finally caught him. I was so relived and so happy because I knew he was ok now. It coasted us about $400 bucks to have him flown out to us because he had to go get a certificate of health from a vet before they would fly him and we had to pay the management and staff of course for doing all this for us.

I'll never forget the day that my Brother Scott drove my Dad and I out to the Tucson airport to pick him up on the day he was flown out to me. I started crying and was so happy. I always said that God gave me a second chance with him and I promised I would never make him move again, leave him or put him through any trauma again. Well I kept that promise till his dying day and as much as it hurts me right now not to have him in the flesh I thank God for these extra years I was able to spend with him. I also thank God I had those few weeks to spend with him before he passed over.

Allot of my friends online including you guys kept telling me to cherish every last moment with him. That at least I know he was ill and not going to live for more then a few weeks because I could say goodbye to him and spend his last days loving him and preparing for his passing like getting his urn ordered and the locket to hold his ashes. I really feel that I spent those last weeks and days with him to the fullest I could possibly do.

When I get his ashes back with his urn and my heart locket they will give me the blanket back also. I plan on setting up a memorial site on the table in our living room. His blanket with his urn on top with the yellow rose in the picture which my Mom gave to me, as well as the stuff kitty I'm holding that my Mom bought because she thought it looked like him. I will take a pic of the memorial once it's set up.

Thank you so much for every ones thoughts, prayers, love, support and condolences. I can't reply to every single one of you, but each comment and word helped me more then you know. :heart:

If anyone is willing to take this photo and manipulate it in any ways for me it would be appreciated also. I think the quality is poor and maybe someone can put a diffrent background or touch it up for me.
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:iconzenjaka:
Zenjaka Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hug 
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:iconsoralovesroxas:
soralovesroxas Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013
i really know how you feel my grammys and i pet cat name smoky had died right befor school had started in 2012 he just an old love dove man... and never really could meow the right way casue of something they did to him when he got fixed but he was 16 years old in human years and 82 in cat years
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:iconevanescencelover110:
Evanescencelover110 Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012
Omg Im so Srry for your loss. That was so sad... ;(
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
It was a very long time ago, but thank you so much for the lovely comment. :)
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:iconredpassion:
RedPassion Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2012
I know how that feels... ;___; this photo makes me cry.... I'm so sry for you :cries:
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:iconwayward-son-d:
wayward-son-d Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Do you think the time is right?
May I say goodbye to pain filled days and endless lonely nights?
I've lived my life and done my best, an example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond, and set my spirit free?
I didn't want to go at first, I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now to a warm and living light.
I want to go, I really do; it's difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can to live just one more day.
To give you time to care for me and share your love and fears.
I know you're sad and afraid, because I see your tears.
I'll not be far, I promise that, and hope you'll always know,
That my spirit will be close to you wherever you may go.
Thank you so for loving me. You know I love you too,
And that's why it's hard to say goodbye and end this life with you.
So hold me now just one more time and let me hear you say,
Because you care so much for me, you'll let me go today.
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:iconladygrimm424:
LadyGrimm424 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2010
thats awful :( sorry for your loss!
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:iconbriel74:
Briel74 Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2010
I know what u mean, I lost my cat last summer, after 21 years of life together, the lost hurts soooo badly...
:hug:
chin up
Reply
:iconeboneyshadows666:
Eboneyshadows666 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2009
I had two cats once the first one had a stroke and passed away about 2 years ago which tore me apart because I just found him laying outside in agony when I cam home from school. and recently my other cat was diagnosed with lymphoid cancer and had to put down on Christmas eve last year.

I loved my boys more than anything else in the world, and even now I just can't help but cry every now and then because I miss them so much. When I had to have sparky put down I just held him my arms and cried as he went to sleep, feeling as if I just sentenced my best friend to death even though it was best for him.
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:iconlacydrawers:
LACYDRAWERS Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2009  Professional Writer
OMG Ashlie....
This story had me
crying like a baby.
I have 3 kitties now,
(Fluffa, Stinky and Mimmee)
after losing my baby
Tinkerbell I was a mess
but I will never forget
him as he was my friend
as well as my baby.
My guys give me so
much love I would be
so lost without them....
God Bless all Kitties..........
:iconlovewhiteplz::iconcutecatplz::iconlovewhiteplz:
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
:hug: I know :cry: our little innocent furry baby's are what makes the world go around :hug: awww what adorable names :love: is love to see some pictures of them :D :D
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:iconlacydrawers:
LACYDRAWERS Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2009  Professional Writer
I have downloaded a pic of fluffa and Mimmee in my scrapbook, havent any on here of my others will do so real soon..........:iconhrtplz:
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:iconclozie3:
clozie3 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2008
I am so sorry about what happened :( My heart feels like it has broken :(
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:iconclozie3:
clozie3 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2008
My heart feels like it has just broke :( Your story is so sad :( I am so sorry about what happened, if one of my cats died I would feel the same :(
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:iconfireshinen:
Fireshinen Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2008
I could hardly read that with out crying. I just lost my cat of 21 years to cancer. She to died in my arms. She was the greatest. She followed me everywhere and would head butt. She just loved being on me and meowed when I came home. I to have her ashes and could not give up her pink blanket. So sorry for your lose. I just show your new picture of the orange kitten and glad you have another special friend/family member.
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:iconamberbamber155:
Amberbamber155 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2007
wow, this made me cry so much, my kitty is my baby too, and i dread the day i have to lose him, we found him the day he was born, with all the other kittens, the day after, his mother abandoned him and his brother, we took them both in and fed them and raised them, we had to give his brother away, but i've had sid now for 9 years, and this just made me realise we should always spend time with our animals, family, friends, etc. cuz someday they unfortunately will be gone, i am so sorry for your loss tho, pets are a bigger part of a persons life than we realize sometimes
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:iconnebulaborn:
nebulaborn Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
I know I've seen this photo many times, but looking at it right now made me cry. I don't know how you handled that. It sounds selfish but its one of the reasons I don't want anymore pets after Bandit died. :(

B and I were talking about how his pets are all getting old and two have passed on in the last couple of months, his dog Felicity and his cat Patches. I mean, they were his pets but I was around them the last six years so I got attached. Anyway, Patches was a big fat calico kitty, she was very old and shy and never really wanted to be around people but I always tried to show her love no matter what... I like to think that she wasn't afraid of me and maybe at least liked me a little. I still get sad thinking about it. I hate when animals die :(

ugh. lack of zoloft is making me all emo.
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2007  Professional Digital Artist
:cuddle: It hurts worse than anything, but my spiritual faith gets me through and having a new baby to take care of makes it better also. :nod:

Im sure she knew you were trying to make her feel better. Animals can since these things even though theymake their own rules as they go. :giggle:

My Mom's cat Skietter is very shy and I havn't seen him since I moved out until last week when I stayed over at my Moms while my Dad was in the hospital. He's so shy he hides under her bed anytime I come over with Sean and it took him almost all night to finally come out to me when it was just me and my Mom. Breaks my heart because he knows who I am. I was with my Mom when she adopted his furry little but.

You know it's a proven fact that having a pet helps reduce anxiety?

How long have you been without your zoloft now?
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:iconnebulaborn:
nebulaborn Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
It's been a month now without the Z. Ive heard about that too, about pets reducing anxiety. I would like to eventually get a kitten when I move into my own place. Aww, and thats the same thing Patches would do. Whenever Id get close, she wouldnt hiss or try to claw me or anything but she'd meow in a really strange way like I was going to hurt her or something and when I'd pet her she was obviously uncomfortable. And then BAM she'd take off and hide for hours.
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2007  Professional Digital Artist
a month? OMG! It's probably out of your system by now. That must have been fucking hell. I couldn;t stop crying and I felt so crazy when I went that week without mine when wallgreens was giving me shit a few months ago. :petting: I am so sorry sweetie.
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:iconnebulaborn:
nebulaborn Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
yeah probably. it was pretty bad not this past week ,but the two weeks before that. i was crying a lot, (still am lol) im back to my old paranoid mean self again. :( im just super fucking needy and emotional again in a bad way. the zoloft helped me deal... like instead of it all coming out all at once like a flood, it came little by little so I could not feel so overwhelmed. b's giving me the money next week for my doc visit and to get both my scripts. true we had problems but i know if i needed help hed be there for me.
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:iconkittenlicious:
Kittenlicious Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2007
I have an almost identical photo of me holding my cat before she was put to sleep. :(
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2007  Professional Digital Artist
:sniff: I'm sorry. No one should have to go through that
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:icondaemonia-nymphae:
daemonia-nymphae Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
You are not sharing just a pic..you are sharing with us your feelings.
Thank you :heart:
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2007  Professional Digital Artist
:hug:
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:icondaemonia-nymphae:
daemonia-nymphae Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
:glomp:
thank hun :heart:
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:iconsilveranubis:
SilverAnubis Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2007
Your description has really moved me hun :( I really feel for you & hope that as time passes so the pain lessens, I have two of the little rascals myself & would be devasted if anything where to happen to them, I know one day it's enevitable but still I don't even permit myself to think about it :(

:hug:
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2007  Professional Digital Artist
It's so hard NOT to think about those things. Even with my new baby that is only a little over a year old I think about when the time comes that she will leave me also and it just reminds me of when I was younger and schermy was just a few years old I thought that 15 years seemed like forever away, but BLAM! It hits you in the face before you know it.
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:iconthepixiequeen:
thepixiequeen Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2007
Oh god :( I cried reading that.
I had two little girly rats, they were so young and full of life but one came down with a respiritory infection and passed it to her sister so in the space of a month I lost both my little girls, the worst thing was they suffocated, they couldnt breathe at all and they both died in their mummys arms.

Oh crap im still crying, i better go im at work lol
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2007  Professional Digital Artist
Oh dear, I'm so sorry for your losses. :( They are happy now though and you will see them again someday. I really believe in that. :nod:
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:iconthepixiequeen:
thepixiequeen Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2007
so do i :)
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:iconhannahchapman:
HannahChapman Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2006  Professional Digital Artist
:cries: Oh God, thats the part I'm dreading with my little sweetheart - I'll be destroyed when she goes. I'm so sorry for your loss, even though it was a few months ago now, it must still be painfull.:sadangel: :hug:
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2006  Professional Digital Artist
The pain never really goes away. You just get use to it and learn to deal with it. If it wasn't for my spiritual beliefs I think I'd need therapy.

I have a new baby girl kitty that I got for my birthday the day after Scheurmann passed away. I didn't plan on it, it just happened. Loving her and taking care of her has helped me keep my mind off it. I talk to her about Scheurmann and I have always looked at her as a gift from Scheurmann. I was able to save another kitties life when Scheurmann's soul left this earthly plane. I know I'll see him again someday and maybe believing in that keeps me strong. :nod: Somedays I still break down and cry and somedays are better than others. Not a day goes by though that I don't think about him. :(
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:iconhannahchapman:
HannahChapman Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2006  Professional Digital Artist
I can definatley understand that - I talk to my kitty Moomin about the other cats I've had too...and I miss them all hugely. I adopted for the Cats Protection league for a while and some of them died from Feline Leukimia because its so common in cats born to strays - it was absolutley heartbreaking watching them get so ill!!! When you love a creature as much as you did Scheurmann, then you create a soul bond - so I'm in no doubt that you'll join together again one day - you'll know when you do, because you'll recognise him somehow.:) :hug:
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:iconchunkofflesh:
ChunkOfFlesh Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2006
Hey, I just came across this randomly and it made me cry.
When I was 11 my cat was tied to the back of a van and dragged for about 5 km. The rope broke and the car behind the van stopped to see what had fallen off. The worst part is that it didn't even kill him. My dad recieved the phone call from the vet and he had to go in the next day to sign papers to allow them to put him to sleep. He would have been blind, left with three legs, and very likely had serious brain damage. His name was Rambo and he was always an outdoor cat, if you can imagine what it would have done to his spirit to leave him in such a state.
He was 2 years older than me and would have had many years to come if it weren't for those bastards. My first word was Bocat. He was like an older brother. I was away for a school trip that week.. and when I came home I checked the answering machine and heard the vet's message. My parents forgot to delete it - what with the situation and all. 7 years later and I still cry if I think about him too much... We've gotten two cats since then, both of which are fully indoor for obvious reasons, and one of which I consider solely mine.. but god do I wish we could have caught those cruel heartless people.
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:iconfirelilyamg:
FireLilyAMG Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
i've taken a shot at touching up this pic, and i made a lil scrapbook page with it for you. i will upload and note you with the links :)
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:iconfirelilyamg:
FireLilyAMG Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
oh, i'm so sorry to hear. :( he looked like a handsome lil devil :) it's always so hard to lose our furchildren. for some, it's just a pain that will never heal, as we connect differently, more deeply, than we do with most humans. i presently have 6 furkids. my beloved thumper is 12 next month, he's got 3 1/2 paws due to a birth defect, and now he's ill and has to take medicine every day. he's hanging in there, but it pains me to think that one day he may not be with me. :(

i lost 2 kids in the past 2 years (within a few months of each other). one was mugsy. see us here: [link] we had him a relatively short time, but he touched us so deeply. he was a stray, but it was obvious that he had been a house cat previously. we decided to take him in with our cats, as winter was coming, and i cant stand to see animals homesless in the freezing cold. we took him to the vet for shots... and we found he had FIV. heartbreaking. we tried to keep him hanging in there, but we had to keep him separate from the other cats and he just cried all day. we finally had to face that he needed to cross over. it wasntfair to him for us to keep him here suffering. :( so we fattened him up nice on thanksgiving lol and we loved him something fierce, making sure he knew he was loved....*wipes tears*

i lost my Dodo a few months later. she was 1 16 year old Tortie. we had her about 13 years, but we knew her since she was young. she became ill and we finally saved up enough for the vet.... who told us she had stomach cancer. a tumour. *wails* that was just too much to handle. the final decision was up to me. i had to make the decision for her to die. its unbearable. one week after we found out, we let her cross over. i miss her so badly. i havent been able to bear making anything for her yet. i have her (her ashes) on display with my fave photo of her framed, but thats as far as i can get. i'm now crying so hard i can barely see the keys.

sheesh. i ramble, don't i. i just wanted to take a sec to give ya a hug and look how i babbled! :hug:
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2006  Professional Digital Artist
:tears: i'm so sorry for your losses also. :petting: It's gotta be the worse feeling in the world. I had my baby's ashes out of the urn and a little baggie of his fur that I put in a seperate baggy. Me Mother and I both just started crying. I miss him so much.

We lost our 12 year old Kramer to Cancer also 3 years ago. The day after my Mom's birthday. It was very hard to be there when they put him to sleep. I think you did the right thing to. :nod: I still have this fear and guilt i me that I should had put Scheurmann down as soon as the vet told me he was only going to live a couple more weeks at the most. He spent his last few weeks having meds forced in him that didn;t help anyways. He would move around and for alost the last week wouldn't eat anything. We were feeding him with a dropper and I am so afraid it was just crule to do that to him. When he died in my arms he started coughing all of a sudden. Then his leg started jerking and my mom said he was having a sezure. I started crying out for God to just take his soul at that moment because I didn't want him to suffer. 10 mints latter he was dead in my arms. I didn;t even know if he was really dead at first because he was so un responsive to begin with the last morning. I held his little body in that blanket and cried into his fur for about a hour before I finally was able to get up and take him to our vets. They kept him wrapped up in the blanket for me while he was in the freezer. It was a saturday so the creation place wouldn't be buy to pick him up until monday. His vet is only a few blocks down the road from me and all night I just wanted to go back to the vets and see his body again. Just hold it one more time. :cries:

Shit... now i'm crying again to. And babbaling also. :giggle:

Again I'm very sorry about your losses to. I really beleive we will see our babies again though when we cross over.

Have you ever read a book called "Animals on the Other Side - by Sylvia Browne"? It's a wonderful book that really makes the pain a little bit better everytime I read it. It's a childrens book really, but it's great for any age I think. :nod:

I know my babie is with me and yours is with you. Last night even I felt Scheurmann's wickers of the back of my leg while I was in the kitchen and I turned around thinking it was my new baby Jaspurr begiing for more food when I just put down a bowl of fancy feast for her and none of the kitties were there. They were all still eating from their bowls in the living room. Thats happen on more than one occasion over the last month since Scheurmann's been gone now. :nod: Or I feel a cat jump up on my bed at night or walking on it and I'll look down to see which one it is and there isn't any cat there! I know it' Scheurmann and I can't help but to get all giddy and smile when that happens each time. :nod:

:hug:
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:iconfirelilyamg:
FireLilyAMG Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
:cuddle: have you read Rainbow Bridge? it always make me feel fuzzy. :)
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2006  Professional Digital Artist
I recieved a card from my vets office that had a poem called the Rainbow Bridge. I can;t find it either which is driving me nuts because I wanted to put it on the table with his pictures and urn. :nod:
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:iconfirelilyamg:
FireLilyAMG Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
mine sent a sympathy card as well. i cant recall if the poem was in it or not. (they MAILED me my cat's ashes!!! i seriously freaked knowing my cat just came home thru UPS!!). I first happened across the poem years ago. i think after my Moog Moog (formally known as Sugar lol) passed. One of my online friends pointed me towards it. very lovely :)
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:iconlive4lovesexy:
live4lovesexy Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2006
What a beautiful story! Cherish the years you had with him and he will live on in your memory forever. I am so sorry for your loss. :hug: :heart:
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2006  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you :) I have, am and always will. He's always going to be apart of my soul and heart. :nod: :heart:
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:icondistortedsmile:
DistortedSmile Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2006  Hobbyist Photographer
Hey sweetie, emailed you a manip :)
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2006  Professional Digital Artist
I can't thank you enough. :glomp: I love it soooooo much. It moved me so much and I will always keep it. :cuddle:
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:icontenshadesofgrey:
Tenshadesofgrey Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2006
Hi there,

I saw this and your story touched me.
I've e-mailed you a manip of this,
I hope you like it :hug:
Reply
:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2006  Professional Digital Artist
I just sent you a e-mail. Thank you so very much. I really do love it. :hug: it means so much to me. I added you to my DA watch list to also. :D
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:icontenshadesofgrey:
Tenshadesofgrey Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2006
You are so welome :nod:
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:iconlasomnambule:
lasomnambule Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2006   Photographer
Oh, I know what it's like to lose a dear furry friend, I'm so sorry, Ashes. This picture is lovely.
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:icondevildoll:
devildoll Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2006  Professional Digital Artist
:cuddle: thank you sweety. It's been hard. I have my good days and bad days.
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